Austyn's+One-Act

One-Act Play

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Austyn, English-7 Per. 1   February 22, 2009 “Life in a Can” // (A can of tennis balls is located on its side, cover towards stage right, on the top shelf in a dark, walk-in closet. The can is a Penn brand can with a black cover that says “Penn” on it. There is a red and silver tennis bag that reads “Wilson (K) Factor” stage right of the can and two Head brand rackets, one orange and one blue, lie stage left of the can of balls. It is 7:00 //// A.M. //// The sunlight slowly creeps through the very slightly opened closet door. A soft beeping sound comes from an alarm clock in the main bedroom. Wilson is closest to stage right. Gamma is sleeping between Wilson and Prince. Prince is sleeping closest to stage left. Wilson slowly wakes up. Like the other cast members, he wears bright- yellow clothes with “Penn 3” on his shirt in black lettering.) // ** Wilson ** (//Yawning and stretching).// Good morning… //(With sudden excitement and fear.)// Whoa! Where are we? And why is it so dark? I hope this place is disinfected! //(He begins to panic, waking Prince up in the process.)// // (Together) // // (Together) // // (They all got to the park in one piece, even though Gamma had to keep Wilson and Prince from killing each other in their multiple arguments.) // // (Together) // // (The truck driver brings his tennis things to the nearest court. As he opens the can, Prince screams in terror.) // // (The truck driver takes Wilson and starts to hit on the wall with him.) // // (After they escape the can, they roll outside the gate onto the side walk, they split up into two directions. A golden retriever spots Prince and chases her into a muddy, tadpole infested stream.) // ** THE END **
 * Scene 1: **
 * Prince **// (Tired and cranky). // O.M.G.! You woke me up again, Wilson! And it’s only seven! I’m going back to sleep. //(Sassy).// B.T.W., I.D.K. where we are, but as long as I get my beauty sleep, I’m okay with it. //(She turns to the side and tries to go back to sleep, but she cannot because of a panicking Wilson.)//
 * Gamma **// (Now awake). // Wilson, calm down. Remember what the doctors said. You can’t keep getting worked up, or else your blood pressure will go through the roof. Go to a happy place, happy place.
 * Wilson ** //(Calming down).// Right, right, happy place, happy place. //(Relaxed, eyes closed).// Ahh. Sterile hospital.
 * Gamma **// (Scolding Prince). // You there! Wake up! You know Wilson is germophobic. He can’t help it. I think you owe him an apology, Prince, or should I say Princess.
 * Prince **// (Sarcastically and half-heartedly). // Sorry, Wilson. //(To Gamma).// Hey, my name is Prince, not Princess! That name has been in my family for generations.
 * Gamma. ** Well, if you don’t want to be called that, stop acting like one.
 * Prince. ** Whatever. O.M.G.! It is dark! Oh no! How can anyone see how pretty I am?
 * Gamma **// (Hushing Prince). // Hush now.
 * Wilson. **// (Quietly to himself and Gamma). // If you ask me, I think we see, hear, and smell too much of her around here. //(He laughs to himself.)//
 * Gamma **// (Appalled). // Wilson! Don’t be so mean. //(Quietly).// Even if she does have a slight odor problem, which you better not tell her. //(To both of them).// I think we are in a closet in some human’s home. Last thing I remember was a human picking our can off our shelf, taking us to the check-out line, the lady at the counter scanning us, and being placed in a white, plastic bag that read some weird place called “Sports Authority” on it. Since when do sports have authority? We must have passed out from the bumpy car ride to this house.
 * Wilson. ** If we’re lucky, this will be some doctor’s house.
 * Prince. **// (To Wilson). // And why would being trapped here in some doctor’s closet be lucky?
 * Wilson. ** Because, doctors always wash their hands thoroughly.
 * Prince **// (Frustrated). // Ugh. Sometimes, Wilson…you… Never mind… //(She turns to the side again in irritation.)//
 * Gamma. ** Can’t we all just get along and act like friends? Or at least agree on something.
 * Wilson. ** We’ll never get along.
 * Prince. ** Not with this old fart!
 * Gamma. **// (To herself). // Well, that’s a start. //( Just as she is saying her line, a burst of bright sunlight comes into the closet as the owner of the house, a truck driver, opens the closet doors. He is getting his tennis stuff so he can go play at the Manoa tennis courts.)//
 * Wilson ** //(Squinting).// Ah! Who opened the closet? Oh no! It’s not a doctor, it’s a truck driver! I observed a few of them when we were on our shelf at the store. They are very disgusting. I don’t even think they wash their hands before every meal.
 * Gamma **// (Ironically laughing at Prince). // Look at your face! //(She points to Prince’s face where there is lipstick all over her chin.//
 * Prince **// (Surprised and embarrassed). // O.M.G.! That’s what I get for putting makeup on in the dark! //(She covers her mouth and chin, trying to hide before Wilson sees it, but it is too late.)//
 * Wilson ** //(Forgetting about the horrid truck driver and laughing at Prince).// Ha-ha! You look funny! //(During this commotion, they do not notice the truck driver taking them and his things to his car.)//
 * Prince **// (Angry and embarrassed). // Stop it Wilson! It’s not funny!
 * Gamma **// (Coming back to her senses). // Okay. We had our fun. Now let’s come back to our senses. Here, wipe it off. //(She hands Prince a handkerchief.)//
 * Prince **// (Bitterly taking it). // Thank you. //(To Wilson).// At least one of us is kind.
 * Wilson ** //(Mocking Prince).// At least one of us is kind.
 * Gamma **// (Irritated). // Would you two please stop? Look, all your commotion has distracted us from our surroundings. We’re probably on the back seat of the driver’s truck now.
 * Wilson ** //(Scared and disgusted).// You mean, we’re in his car? Ew! Are those old gym socks? //(He points to two wet, brown tube socks lying on the back seat.)//
 * Gamma **// (Disgusted also). // Wow, you were right. Truck drivers are gross.
 * Prince **// (To Gamma). // Oh, so you’re on his side now. I see how it is. You feel pity for the one with mental problems.
 * Wilson **// (Angry). // Hey!
 * Gamma. ** There is nothing wrong with Wilson. He just has a minor fear of germs.
 * Wilson ** //(Jubilant and to Prince).// Ha-ha, she’s on my side.
 * Gamma. ** I’m on no one’s side. Sheesh. You people act like children. //(She hums to herself while enjoying the ride to the courts.)//
 * Scene 2: **
 * Gamma. ** Wow, we actually made it in one piece. I was getting doubtful because of your arguing.
 * Prince **// (Accusingly). // Well, Wilson kept complaining about those tube socks.
 * Wilson ** //(Defensively).// Hey, I wasn’t the one who was worrying about if my outfit matches.
 * Gamma **// (Frustrated). // Will you two stop your bickering and just get along?
 * Wilson. ** Okay.
 * Prince. ** Okay.
 * Prince **// (Screaming). // O.M.G.! What’s he doing now?
 * Gamma. ** I think he’s opening the can!
 * Wilson ** //(Scared).// No! If he opens this can, it will not be vacuum-packed, and then germs will get in! Why do I have to be on the top?
 * Prince **// (To Wilson). // Oh, stop complaining. Actually this is a good chance to feel the wind through my fibers.
 * Wilson **// (Terrified). // Ew! He’s touching me with his hands! It’ll take me days to disinfect myself. Ow! Ow! Ow! //(To the truck driver).// Hey, don’t hit me there! Ow! Ow!
 * Gamma **// (To Wilson). // Hang in there Wilson!
 * Prince **// (To Gamma). // Quick! Now’s our chance to escape! Roll like you’ve never rolled before, Gamma!
 * Gamma. ** Right. Let’s go.
 * Prince **// (Screaming). // Ah! Bad doggie! Don’t chase me into the stream! //(There is a splashing sound.)// No! I got my fibers wet!
 * Gamma. **// (Jubilant). // Yes! I’m free! //(She happily rolls away but falls into a storm drain with a “plop”.)// Ah! Oh, darn. I fell into a storm drain. Well, at least I’m away from those two. //(She starts singing a happy tune that gets softer as she gets farther down the pipes.)// La la-la la-la.